Rich Morris' Comics - YAFGC and The ComixBlog

Here is my fan fic the Time Regeneration!

http://bluebeacon.deviantart.com/art/Th ... -105929144

I love the way you think. Like me! Awesome stuff!




Here's one of mine, and you could look at it as a continuation... even though it isn't... but you could.
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Author: Jonn Wolfe (Me)
Fandoms: Doctor Who / Quantum Leap Crossover
Rating: PG
Paring: DW: (Eccleston) Prior to Rose / QL: (Bakula) After Mirror Image
Spoilers: The Time War Aftermath, Sam is alone
The Doctor’s mind is shattered after unwillingly surviving the Time War. Sam must help him with his survivor’s guilt before he falls into the abyss of the Valeyard’s rage and despair.
Humor: A Leap in Time, Saves Nine.

Thanks I love the concept of your fanfic and the fanfic!

Both of you had the interesting idea of the Valyard potentially being created by the Doctor surviving the Time War, which was intriguing - I particularly liked Sam and the Doctor's adventure together, the way they bounced off each other -literally as well as figuratively - was pretty fun.

Doc Paradox does get creativity points for making the Valyard not something the Timelords High Council created as an amalgam of the Doctors first 12 versions, but the Doctor's own projection between his 8th and 9th self, turning back to take control. Which begs the question- in that universe, since he was the Doctor's own projection, did the Valyard approach the High Council with the idea of killing off the 6th Doctor, instead of the other way around?

Wow thanks for the input M'reen and its a really interesting idea about the valeyard coming to them with the plan but it certainly is plausible, kill the doctor, a renagade, a thorn in there side, and the only condition is he gets the remaining seven lives of the doctor.

Well, it was your idea <g> Its certainly a different approach. You have to wonder what part of the Doctors brain was so messed up from the war that it projected the Valyard !

On purely technical matters

It would be easier to read tho, if you ended the paragraphs after each person was quoted -- a new person speaking is generally in a new paragraph to make it clear who is talking- and have you thought about converting it to past tense? It's more traditional story telling mode.

Do you mean something like

The burning surroundings of the transmat center are replaced with the tattered ruins of the counsel, which is littered with the bodies of the Timelord counsel men or the Galifreyan guards. All of them are dead, unable to regenerate. The charred remains of a counsel woman bear the sash of Rassilon; could this be Romana?

"There were so many things I never told her; so many things left unsaid, my dear Romana," I say to this corpse. It is then that I hear a pleasant voice call to me from behind.

"Yes, Doctor?" I stood up and turned around seeing that it was Romana! I hugged her tightly.

"I thought-" I began, "Oh never mind! How are you still alive?" I ask letting go of her.

Romana chuckled, "Well, maybe first you should get some pants on, Doctor." I looked down realizing in all the rush that I had forgotten to get a new pair of pants on.


like that?

Sort of- but more like this:

The burning surroundings of the transmat center were replaced with the tattered ruins of the counsel chamber, which was littered with the bodies of the Timelord counsel men*** and the Galifreyan guards. All of them were dead, unable to regenerate. The charred remains of a counsel woman bore** the sash of Rassilon; could this be Romana? Or "could this have been Romana?"to emphasize past tense
**that has to be changed anyway,in this instance "bore" is past tense, and "bears" would be present tense..**
***consider replacing "Timelord counsel men" with simply "Timelord High Counsel" as
1) the High Counsel are already people without adding men or women after the word counsel
2)we never hear them refer to themselves as simply a counsel, but always the full dignity of the High Counsel- they are probably no less snobbish in death
3)the term is part of the fandom expectations**
"There were so many things I never told her; so many things left unsaid, my dear Romana," I said to her corpse. It was then that I heard a pleasant voice call to me from behind.

"Yes, Doctor?"
[break for new paragraph as the next action is not done by the speaker - if it had been Romana's action in the next sentence, you could usually have gotten away with leaving it in there. ]

I stood up and turned around, and saw that it was Romana! I hugged her tightly.

"I thought-" I began, "Oh never mind! How are you still alive?" I asked, letting go of her. [keep this in as it your narrarators action after said voice][break again for the next action is not your main character, but Romana's]
Romana chuckled, "Well, maybe first you should get some pants on, Doctor." [keep together as it is her action described and her voice speaking]
[break again as the next action is not Romana's but your main character]

I looked down, and realized that in all the rush that I had forgotten to get a new pair of pants on.

Blue are the changes to past tense, the purple is generally just suggestions to consider. I adjusted the paragraph breaks a wee bit to make them easier to figure out who was speaking, and stuck in the reasoning for each paragraph break so it didnt look random to you. If you remember people associate the voice speaking = whatever character is acting in the same paragraph, you're generally good to go in story. It cuts down on a lot of confusion and backtracking for your reader <g>

We could stick to pm-ing if you want further advice on editing your story without devoting the whole thread to a debate on which turn of phrase you might prefer in this or that sentence <g>

DocParadox edited his story and reposted it, and and another fan turned it into a web comic!

Check it out :

Here's a couple of my own, comments welcome!


Collision Course http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=31242

'Time Crash', Nine/Six style! With just a touch of Jack.


Old Blue Crate http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=31218

My ongoing Three/Firefly crossover

Enjoy!

The first story was fun and I'm a few chapters into the second. What I dont understand about that one is how folks on the ship all knew about the word to put River to sleep, when this is obviously before Serenity happened, and that was the first time Simon revealed it?

Umm... To be honest, I kinda didn't think of that . Now, to come up with a logical explanation, well...

Jayne thinks he's full of it, but is being sarcastic as well as pointing out how effective something like that would be against an alert psychic (that's assuming the word is programmed into her in such a way that the sound actually has to reach her ears before it works). Mal and the others are... a little distracted, though Mal had a flash of being about to ask Simon about his statement before Jayne's retort.

Does that work? If not, I suppose I'll have to chalk it up to artistic license and just avoid that mistake in the future. Thanks for pointing it out!

EDIT: Retcon in progress - Simon produces a dart gun loaded with a hypo of River's designer drug-du-jour as his suggestion instead of the 'secret woid,' while the Doctor figures out the word himself - perhaps in response to a psychic plea from River.

I like the RetCon dart gun idea! This way you dont have to justify anyone knowing about the word at any point later in the story, and can just edit the 'knock her out' into any scene where you had planned to use the word.

(Or leave her conscious but ignored for her babbling, I suppose.)

Glad if I was any help!

I read it up to where you published it so far. I like the cliff hanger right there and was surprised and pleased to see , and pleased tho not surprised when you brought in .

On the RetCon, I just noticed the bit where you think of having the Doctor figure out the word ... I hope you stick with Jayne using the dart gun where he used the word, personally.

After all the Doctor is brilliant, but not that good a mind reader, and Simon never even mentioned there was word to knock River out in the TV show. The Doctor didn't go around plucking never mentioned codewords out of folks heads in the show - when he did go into someone's head, there was usually a big Vulcan Mind Meld deal of it. Jayne darting the crew member he feared the most makes more sense in the story to me. And kind of cracks me up.